Reality

This is a guy who, most of his basketball career, could remember each shot taken in each game of the current season. I wanted to know what shots went down. I wanted to know what my percentage was. I wanted to have reasonable deductions as to why I missed a particular shot at a particular point in the game. It drove people crazy that I could recall that in a particular streak, I might have been shooting 22% from 3. A selectively negative memory can be tremendously motivating, assuming that there is foundation to keep the entirety of the game from becoming, by association, negative.

As it turns out, that is a little harder to pull off as a volunteer. In basketball, even if I had strung together a horrible week of practice, I could then be absolutely torrid once I hit the court for a game. I had a couple occasions when I felt the perfection of a shot merited holding up three fingers while backpedaling up the court (to play shoddy defense...). I didn't have to be good to feel good. I just had to do something good from time to time. I do the same thing with dancing. Pop and lock for two seconds. That's all you need for people to be impressed.

Back to volunteering. I'm working as a deafblind educator. The lack of experience lends itself to failure. And an eagerness to do well, combined with passionate investment, can produce unattainable goals. But, as a basketball player, I could miss 20 shots in a row and still feel good about myself. As a teacher, failing a student over and over again doesn't exactly make me feel wonderful. A student who is frustrated enough to chomp down on my knuckle clearly has things to express, but I would usually use different means to convey my desires. On occasion, though, I do bite people when I am feeling especially needy and unattended to. You get the idea...there is a certain sense of urgency when someone is depending on you to do well.

I tend to focus on all the moments, over the past year and a half, that have been unproductive, ineffective, and inefficient. I see very little good in my own performance, simply because I am incredible gifted at detecting the bad. So, when I talk about Mohammed making huge strides, I see very little of myself in that progress. I only see my role as the obstacle that is preventing him from making bigger steps (which, in all honesty, is fairly accurate). I guess that is narcissism, without the grandiosity.

So, here is my admittance. I have been a part of progress made. I will never achieve what I want to, but success is found in imperfection more often than not. And these are the contrasts of a year's time. Then: Mohammed would repeat every sign I made. He did not respond to questions. He knew absolutely zero Arabic. He was incapable of having a conversation. He didn't know any signs for numbers. If he was confused, he would just sit in silence. He had no idea what "want" and "don't want" really meant. He was practically incapable of making choices. He couldn't tell time, and didn't know what "morning", "noon", or "night" were. He didn't initiate independent activity unless it was part of a memorized activity within a program.

Now: I ask Mohammed what time it is. He feels his tactile watch and tells me it is 12, then says it is time to go to the kitchen and prepare his food book (he just signed a number, gave an unprompted response, told me the time). He then goes by himself, and we review words related to the kitchen and mealtime. I ask him what he ate in the morning, and he responds "humus". He then fingerspells it in Arabic. I tell him that we are having eggplant for lunch, and ask him what that is in Arabic. He tells me that he doesn't know, and that he wants help. I tell him, then he goes through the book and find the braille card with the corresponding word. He puts his hands up for high fives, feeling pretty cocky. I decide to mess with him. I tell him I'm not hungry, and that we're not going to eat. We're going to take a nap instead. Huge grin plastered across his face, he says, "I've had enough sleep. Thanks be to God. I want to eat. Okay?"

I have no idea what I was telling Mohammed here. Maybe I was apologizing about him having to dress up as Baba Noel again. Photo credit: Ahlam Khreysat.

All those things, that he couldn't do a year ago, he puts together in a 10 minute session. I'm no miracle worker, but this kid is a miracle. And when I write it out, I think I am doing quite a bit of good as a volunteer without having to be VERY GOOD at deafblind education. As Mohammed says, thanks be to God. Peace.

Same/Different

I will attempt to elaborate on the complexity. Same. Different. No doubt, you think it is simple. You can tell the difference between socks and a shirt. If you can't, you probably have separate drawers, to ensure that you won't stumble into such a wardrobic mishap. You identify the simple, distinguishing characteristics of dirt and chocolate. Without that distinction, your friends will be much less satisfied when you sneak a pocketful of soil into a movie theater and proceed to hand out your "treats". You know that the blade of a butter knife slides safely upon your skin, and that a Miracle Blade does not so considerately discern the difference between digits and delectable treats. Maybe you weren't previously aware of that either, and are currently giving a thumbs down....sans thumb.

There are all sorts of stark contrasts in the continuum of same/different. But, it gets much more complicated when I give you four balls. A baseball. A football. A basketball. And a golf ball. I ask you which one is different. You say baseball. You're wrong. Unless, of course, you picked under that assumption that the baseball is different simply because I have never played baseball. You say football. Wrong again....unless the criteria was to choose the ball that is not spherical. Basketball. Another demerit. Maybe your rationale is that it is the biggest, and that sets it apart. You choose the golf ball. That's for strokes, all wrong, which puts you at par. I guess you might have chose it since it isn't used for a team sport.

Differences and similarities span a broad spectrum. And to classify things, you have to both know the criteria, as well as be able to accurately identify the qualities. So, my student has long been assumed to understand the same/different concept. Then, I braille a card game for him. I'm excited to teach him his first game. So, I tell him, based on the card that is on the pile, you can either play the same suit or the same number. He reads all his cards, then chooses at random. I implore him to reconsider. He won't budge. I ask him why he played that card. And, as I look at the two of hearts on top of the five of spades, he says, "They're the same suit." I give him each sign, which are clearly different, and tell him to try again. When he finally produces an acceptable card, I have him read each suit, and say, "THESE are the same."

Several hundred hands later, he is still not grasping it. And it dawns on me. To him, the concepts of same and different, no matter how many times presented, have been developed as invisible classifications. Classifications to be memorized in every context. And card playing is a new context, providing unknown divisions that he thinks he is simply supposed to memorize every combination. Which, I think he is trying to do. It isn't that he thinks he plays a heart, when a heart is on the table. He, quite possibly, tries to memorize that the last time a two of hearts was down, he was supposed to play a four of hearts. That is insane memorization, rather than thinking and classification.

It would be like me asking you, "What is the difference between a desk and a painting?"  You would, undoubtedly, think I am telling a lame joke. But, what if I was asking you to actually pinpoint some existential quality. One thing. How would you answer that? Can you imagine having developed, over 18 years of your life, without actually being able cognitively process the way that you do? I certainly can't. But, I am trying. Mohammed and I are trying, to develop these skills. So simple, but so necessary. So essential. And I take each task, one day at a time. Hoping that they will build. That I'll make progress.

Recently, I was asked by a pastor about if it is worth it for MCC to invest an entire service worker position into a one-on-one student-teacher relationship. When I look that the quality of life that Mohammed is capable of achieving, I see that he needs this kind of interaction to get there. And, I cannot help but think of Matthew 25:40, when I think of my work. In this community, and culture, Mohammed is often mistakenly identified as being one of the "least". In my eyes, his value is quite surely found in the kingdom of heaven. So, in short, yes. It is worth it.

Here is a link to an article that I recently wrote for an MCC publication (if you aren't tired of reading already):  A Common Place- Touching the World  (You can download a PDF version at the bottom, which has some pictures showing me communicating with Mohammed.)

Peace.